“How do you know that you’ve met the right one for you?”
This question is asked by almost everyone at some point in life and there are only a handful of people who have got a firm answer. Let me congratulate you for landing at the right place to read through out of the same curiosity.
After a lot of research, reading and talking, I have come to a conclusion that the criteria for choosing a spouse can be boiled down to these four key characteristics or factors. If you can notice these four in someone, you have most likely found your life partner.
1) The Core Values?
Value system drives a person’s life and so family. Before you decide to marry someone or commit to marry, check their commitment to some kind of objective moral and ethical standard. This commitment must be well in place. Whether we realise it or not, each one of us has some kind of core values that is central to their personality. And when challenges hit, these values are going to be the most important thing in the world of that person to stand strong and committed.
Let’s look at the example to understand better: Tom’s core value is adventure and he is irresistible for it. When Tom starts to date Natasha, he happens to be volunteering at the local Emergency Room in the town. He goes there every night without fail, holds people’s hands, tries to calm them down and Natasha is thinking that Tom has a heart of gold if this is how Tom is spending his important time. Now, Tom might really have a heart of gold but he is volunteering because of his love for adventure. So as of now, Tom’s adventurous attitude and gesture happens to be expressing itself in a kind way. However that could change. Tom might stop volunteering and start trying other adventures that his girlfriend Natasha may find unpleasant and dangerous.
However, if Tom’s core value is a commitment to goodness and care, then everything he does will rotate around that, including his family commitment and marriage and Natasha will be a lucky woman if she marries him.
So how do you get to know the true Tom? Hold on, it’s not that difficult. No matter what a person’s core value is, you will see him or her sacrificing for it on a daily basis incessantly. If Tom’s core value is adventure, he might risk an accident in order to speed through an intersection or arrive late at work because he followed a police chase. If Natasha follows him carefully, she’ll see that he places adventure above other important things on his list of priorities. But if Tom’s core value is goodness, then Natasha will see him give up on certain things in order to be kind. If the waiter mixes up his order, he’ll say thank you and eat the dish anyway. He’ll let the other guy cross the intersection first, or he might be late to work because he drove a little old lady home with her groceries. If Natasha follows him carefully, then she’ll see him let go of some of his own desires in order to take care of other people.
So you must look for someone who is committed at the core to a higher set of values that you can appreciate.
2) How Does He Treat Others?
This is obvious and important: You want to marry someone who is going to take care of you and treat you well. The question is now; how to figure this out? This is simple. Spend time with this person, and pay attention to how they treat others whom they don’t necessarily care about because they’re not trying to please them. Do they thank the attendant who pumped gas for them? Are they courteous to people at billing counters? Do they curse out people who don’t deliver on time, like food delivery guys or overworked waitresses at a restaurant or hotel? Do they tend to drive furiously as if there’s no one else on the road?
Ask yourself questions like these and take note of the answers – because they reflect characteristics that will come out down the line. Most people don’t guard themselves so carefully that they’ll hide how they treat others. So watch them, and you’ll know how they’re going to treat you after you’re married.
3) Do You Both Communicate Well With Each Other?
In other words, make sure that you understand each other well. This may seem obvious, but it’s not trust me!
Sometimes you can see a couple fighting and arguing for an hour, two hours or maybe overnight and at the end, it turns out that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding: Oh gosh, I thought you meant that. That’s not what you meant? Alright, sorry I agree with what you say.
In fact, this can happen to anyone and if it’s happening constantly then it’s not a good sign because it may not change. If you are constantly misunderstanding each other, then you might want to put this relationship on hold for a while and test the water.
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4) The Physical Attraction – Are You Both Attracted To Each Other Physically?
Trust me or not, in this material world physical attraction is an essential part of marriage and togetherness. You cannot marry someone if you aren’t physically attracted to him/her. Remember, men arrive at this conclusion quickly, women should give themselves some more time. Often, a woman may not feel attracted to a man in the initial days, but after she gets to know the man she finds him much more attractive than ever before.
Caution: Although physical attraction is essential, you can’t base a marriage completely on physical attractiveness. Whatever is going on physically is meant to be an expression of something deep that is happening on the emotional and spiritual level, note it. Make sure that physical attraction is there, but don’t get swept away by it. The other three characteristics are just as important as this.
Next time you date someone, put this learning into practice. It’ll save a lot of time of yours and heartache possibility, and you might find yourself walking down the aisle faster than you think.