A lot of us are able to get into relationships. Some also land up in a good match physically and mentally. However there are many who can not sustain the relationship even for 3 months! Unfortunate, shocking but true. What are the reasons of not working out a relationship? There could be many but 3 reasons discussed below top the list.
#1. Working out the Relationship as a Transaction
Calculations! How can one count love? Doing good to each other is a goodness law and it can not to be traded. ‘Giving’ comes prior to ‘Getting’. If you stop giving, you stop getting. There’s no line or limit of actions to build and save a relationship. If you get calculative, you start counting and eventually at some point you’ll say ‘it’s enough’ and that’s where relationship dies. Keep the expectations low and do more to water your relationship, it’s a tree which will bear fruits at the right time if nurtured properly. So, don’t treat your relationship as a set of transactions, do everything to make it work well.
#2. Lack of Patience and Sensitivity towards each other
Human emotions are delicate and hence the relationships. I have seen even the strongest relationships falling flat just because of a fight. When arguments don’t stop, they show up the insensitivity. Words once uttered can not be taken back and if those words act like arrows, relationship may end immediately. Remember, your partner deserves your best behaviour and care. You have to invest love to make a relationship prosper. Patience and sensitivity are the key factors to build and cherish a great relationship.
#3. Expecting Idealism
This 3rd one is killer. When it comes to getting into a relationship each partner has an ideal figure and character in mind. Egotistically, there is no room to compromise on that. It clearly signals that the relationship is going to be short-lived. Just think about our friends, none of us have perfect ones and we still keep those for life in most cases. You know why? Because you don’t have an ideal friend in mind, you accept faults and shortcomings, hence it flourishes. But as it comes to a partner situations becomes non-compromising. Remember, here are also two human beings involved and both are good friends to most of their friends. She may not have the perfect figure and he may not be Prince Charming. Our approach has to be based upon editing the list of idealism and compliment each other to make the relationship work as gears. As time passes, compromising nature gives birth to a great chemistry which people rejoice for life.
Hang on! Don’t calculate, be sensitive and adjust your list of idealistic items.
If making the relationship last was so easy, divorce rates would be much lower. What we discussed so far are the top 3 reasons but there are many more. One of such problems could be possibility of meeting someone more attractive (quite probable and unavoidable). Many people get drifted in such case. How to handle this? Let’s talk about the principle to guide you in such case.
“A great love relationship is not something you search and find, but something you build and commit yourself to.”
There’s no dearth of beautiful people on the planet and many could be physically more attractive that your partner. To some people, the grass is always greener on the other side. So what do they do? They hop over to the neighbour’s lawn! But then the lawn doesn’t seem so green anymore because they see the weeds of the person’s personality. Then they look further and see a greener lawn next door, they hop again! They do their partner hopping, dating and exchanging in search of the greenest lawn possible, but they’ll never find it because a beautiful relationship, like a beautiful garden, must be created and cared for. In shorter perspective you may feel happy in hooping but it won’t last because there is no commitment. Without commitment, nothing lasts.
To sustain love, two people have to choose each other. If either partner defaults or is unsure, the whole relationship falls apart. It doesn’t matter how much you love the other person, if they do not return your love. You can’t force love.
The Uncommitted Partner
Sometimes you might find that although you are ready to commit, your partner doesn’t want to settle. They may be on the lookout for the ideal person who can fulfil their whims and fantasies of some idealistic vision of what a lover should be. Many people believe that they can hold on to their partner and make them stay. But this isn’t true. If your partner wants to go, they will. A lover is not an inanimate object, it’s a living being and you can’t hold on to them. They are human beings with free will and dreams and ideals of their own. Understand that each person seeks their own happiness. Sometimes it may be with you, at other times it may not. And if you still care for this person, the best you can do is allow them to follow their dreams. Gracefully step aside and wish them. The right partner will come along for you one day.
The more you love a person; the more you care about him or her, greater the feeling of being stabbed in the heart when they betray or cheat your love. Although the normal reaction to being dumped is to go berserk and tell your partner what a piece of trash they are, your heart feels like a knife has sliced through it. This heart-pain is there because there is love, buried under your anger.
When partner betrays love, there are two immediate feelings; the part that feels cheated, and the part that still cares. One side we hate them for hurting us, and we want to take revenge. On the other, we still have feelings for them, so just the thought of breaking up is hurting our soul. So what you need to realise is the deep stabbing pain you feel in your heart is not the pain of rejection, but the pain of trying to hate someone you love. Only when you can admit that you still care, and stop trying to hate them, the two parts dissolve and become one whole. The pain disappears.
If you want to find an ideal partner, you first have to be one. Give your partner first-class treatment and be infinitely patient, loving, and giving. This doesn’t mean you do not settle differences, but that you do it in a calm and gentle fashion. Don’t be calculative about giving. Give with all your heart and trust that your partner appreciates the love you give. They will return it to you when you least expect it. Also realise that some of your demands are idealistic and unnecessary, drop or change them. And finally, strive to become the best you can be in mind, body, and spirit; socially, financially, and emotionally because the better you become as a person, the better partner you will attract.
Want to read more – ‘How To Find A Life Partner? 4 Questions To ask!’