Toxic relationship, abusive relationship or troubled relationship – whatever words you give, it’s a traumatic situation to be in and it’s required to identify such relationship as early as possible so that coming out of it becomes easier.
Before we dig deeper, it’s important to understand what exactly is a toxic relationship? Every relationship goes though challenges but we can not call all of them as toxic. Toxic relationships have emotionally and mentally damaging behaviours. It may cross the boundary and lead to a physical abuse as well.
A relationship becomes toxic when love and romance has the higher priority than Respect, Affection and Trust! Love & romance may keep you so confused that you’ll not be able to take decision to walk out of it despite of emotional and physical suffering in most cases.
Signs Of A Toxic Relationship
- Does Your Partner Hold You Back?
Partners in healthy relationships support each other and celebrate success. If you notice jealousy, competition frustration from your partner when you are doing well, it’s a huge sign of toxicity.
2. Declining Self-Worth
Over the years or months of your relationship has your dignity and self worth declined? If yes, this is because of the ignorance, disrespect and criticism by your partner. Notice the red flag.
3. You Are Compromising With Your Independence Continuously
Are your being tracked and asked questions daily about your location and people you are meeting. If your partner is putting curbs, hiding finances and overpowering you to control you to live and behave the way he/she wants? It’s another red flag.
4. Lack Of Expression To Avoid Arguments & Fights
If you are restraining yourself in expressing your thoughts and opinions and just want to talk only which is unavoidable, you are in the state of stress and unhappiness. You are not allowed to say ‘No’ to your partner. This stage hints that you have been in the toxic relationship for long.
5. It’s You Who Compromises Always
Relationship is give and take, it’s a partnership. It’ll never flourish if only one person is doing the work, be it contribution or compromise. It makes you lonely and life seems a huge burden. It’s time to take steps to talk openly and see it working else walk out of it.
6. Physical Or Verbal Abuse
It has nothing to explain. You just get out of it in all means and ways.
7. Blame Game & Putting Onus Of Failures On You
To err is human. Why so much fuss, until we make mistakes how do we grow? If your are not allowed to try new things and make mistakes it’s an issue. If past mistakes are being reminded again and again by your partner and your are being held responsible, relationship is toxic. It’s a way to control and manipulate things. Decide to move out of such a relationship quickly.
8. Lies & Lies – Continuous Manipulations
Trust once gone can’t be brought back easily. If your partner is lying about finances, people he/she is meeting, new things that he is into and not discussing the future plans with you, you’ll get insecure not being in the right relationship. Cheating also comes under this. Cheaters lie and manipulate things. They go to any extent to hide the truth. Watch out and accept the reality. Don’t get mislead in the false gestures of love and romance.
What Are the Next Steps?
A Trial To Turn A Toxic Relationship Into Healthy One!
It’s an attempt which is required since everyone deserves a change to regret and correct oneself. However this is not an easy task. You have been confused with love and romance putting respect, trust and affection at stake, kind of blinded for the time in the flashy light of love and romance. Follow the steps below to give it a chance.
- Agreement between both that what is happening is not right and both will work on it to correct.
- Stop the blame game immediately and start healthy communication.
3. Start discussing daily plans, schedules and make a point to increase time spent together.
4. Bring in a family member in the conversation so that they are aware of the fact. It may help as people worry about self image in the society more.
You are lucky if these steps work out and you re-establish a healthy relationship. I won’t fear to speak the fact that chances of the same are extremely low.
How To Get Out Of A Toxic Relationship?
Remember, toxic people are not easy to leave. They are fond of satisfying their ego by the controlling behaviour they have. They love not being questioned often. They’ll use all those tactics with higher intensity to stay in the relationship. However, since it’s suffocating and risky for you, you need to make immediate efforts to come out and live a better life back.
- Make A Firm Decision
The first step is to make an irreversible decision and then follow further steps. If your decision is weak you are most likely and land back in the same relationship and suffer again. As a first step you have anyways tried to convert this into a healthy relationship. You are making a decision to walk out since the efforts have gone waste, then why looking back?
2. Seek Family Help
Bring your family in the conversation, seek help to support you in the steps further be it personal, legal, counsellor or therapist. Let them know openly what you have been going through and also let them know that your decision is irreversible.
3. Get A Professional Help
Depending upon the seriousness of the relationship issues and resistance from the other partner, you may need to take a professional help. There’s nothing wrong in it. There are coaches and therapists working on such issues very well.
4. Be With Yourself & Surround Yourself With Positive Environment & People
Be happy that you are going to get a better life than this. Be happy that you made a firm decision and you got your strength and respect back. Spend more time with your good friends and family. Start making plans for your future growth and make a plan to spend time with yourself doing meditation and woking on your hobbies.
5. Low Or No Communication
Make sure to cut off communication with your toxic partner. Communication may bring you back in the same trap. In the cases where children are involved, cutting off communication will not be possible, hence keep it minimal. You are supposed to work on the steps to move out of it, focus there.
6. Save Money
Your life is your own responsibility now, you’ll need money as you only need to support yourself and your children (if that is the case). Take care of your spendings, no more emotional buying, build bank balance. It’ll give you strength to move on with life in a positive manner.
7. Move On & Find Ways To Heal Yourself & Let Go!
Once you are out of this relationship you may feel the need of love and romance which is missing in life, hold on! Cut off the communication completely, don’t be friends back with the same person. Join a meditation class, engage in your favourite hobby and practice to let go. You may need a coach to learn to let go and heal your inner being. Remember, toxic memories and thoughts keep the poison flowing. Don’t let yourself suffer even when you are out of that toxic relationship. Make your career or business plans and work on those with full intensity.
Don’t get into any other relationship quickly in the fit of void that you may feel. It’s time to heal yourself and build your self-worth!